This Disease is Terrifying

It’s the unknowns: Will the new medicines work? Will I ever go in to remission? Will the doctors ever give me a diagnosis besides Colitis? Will I make it to the bathroom? Is the pain always going to be this bad? Will I always be this fatigued?┬áIt’s realizing that I have some horrifying & disgusting stuff coming out of my body. It’s reading the side effects of the medications that you’re on. It’s realizing how many medications that you’re taking.

These are some of the thoughts that have been going through my head over the past week. It can be really hard to not feel overwhelmed at times. There are days that it’s hard to be so far from my family because they’re all about 2,800 miles away from where I live now. My boyfriend has been great through all of this and has done his best to be supportive. Which I really appreciate.

Who ever coined the phrase that “Pain is weakness leaving the body” never had an inflammatory bowel disease. I feel like my colon is trying to remove itself from my body today. The pain isn’t just in my lower left quadrant of my abdomen anymore. It’s starting to be in my upper right quadrant of my abdomen. The pain moving is a little scary to me. I don’t know if it means that my inflammation is starting to progress further in my colon or if the pain is radiating from the already affected areas.

I’m in the process of getting a referral to another GI practice that is about three hours away. My PCPs office said that it can take up to 10 business days to get the referral through. I really hope that it doesn’t take that long but we’ll see. I hope that they can get me in soon. I really hope that they’ve seen a case similar to mine or can refer me to another GI that has.


“I hold a beast, an angel, and a madman in me.” – Dylan Thomas

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